What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 02:19
When she asked me how she looked .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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She wouldn,t have been !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is soul school!.
Why did Kakashi use Chidori against Rin, despite knowing about her feelings for Obito?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I said to her
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My life is so biszare .
So, i spoilt her more .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why is there so much hate against black people?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
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Put me off passion for life!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Ive learnt so much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was 9 years of age.
Comes on , in middle age.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was scared of men, in general
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We were not on the streets..
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She loved him until the end.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
But, we were locked up after school.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But ive been too sick for many years..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I never cut or harmed myself..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was seconnd youngest,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But it wasn’t much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Who then, do I blame.?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She found it foreign!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I will be 64.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It was going to be , some day.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i lived it daily.
I have no regrets .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
All the time i was locked up.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Would this be the day?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I waited trembling.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We all went to grammer schools
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He resisted the act ,that day.
What did i know ?
She married twice! .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He knew the spot.